It’s so easy to focus on everything that goes wrong, everything that still needs to be fixed, and how big the fricking recovery mountain is!
It’s so easy to regret the decades where I didn’t seek recovery or acknowledge the severity of my problems. And to bemoan my many failed attempts at change, the misunderstandings of my own behaviours and those of others. To look back in frustration at not having the wisdom or strength to question my thoughts and feelings and actions.
These things are easy to do. I do them every day. It’s part of the perfectionist thinking common to most addictive behaviours: I’m not good enough. I haven’t mastered this aspect of recovery, therefore I’ll never recover. It’s too hard. I’m beyond redemption. There is no hope.
While I do recognise I am climbing a very tall, steep mountain, and I’ve spent a lot of time sliding down unforeseen crevasses…
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