I hushed up love


“…don’t say it…you’ll hurt yourself…” I said over the phone.

“I’m already hurting…” He replied.

We hung up. I was relieved that he listened to me, that he didn’t say it; or so I convinced myself. Why did I not want him to say it out loud? Would it have mattered? My heart hushed me – ‘don’t say it…don’t think it…let it go…

The next morning I was sitting with my boyfriend in a cafe; we held hands, he kissed me and said – “I love you.”

I didn’t think twice before saying, “I love you too.” The words brought a sense of relief to my heart. I knew I didn’t lie, my heart agreed; my head said – ‘yes, indeed you do…but….‘ my heart cut it out and whispered – ‘there’s no ‘but’…

My phone buzzed – “You know what I feel for…

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