Mental Illness and the Ego
She raises the same points I feel about people making up mental illnesses, especially the people on Tumblr.
Mental Illness and the Ego
She raises the same points I feel about people making up mental illnesses, especially the people on Tumblr.
The girls with the widest smiles have the deepest cracks in their hearts.
This article speaks to me, because I am always being strong and caring for others before myself. Though I think in my case it is a family trait, my mum looked after me, my nan, and my dad who who had 2 nervous breakdowns. My nan looked after my cousin, whose mum (my mum’s sister) was a bitch, still is really.
Meanwhile I just protect everyone close to me, from my parents, to my friends. I know this makes my mental health worse, but I would rather everyone else was okay.
I’ve been like it my whole life, I don’t know whether that could ever change for me, I like caring for people, because my problems are not really that important. Though my emotional Wellbeing Group is meant to be trying to get me in touch with my feelings. Showing you each module we do in the 12 weeks of the group, and show you worksheets and information.
I hope to do it, so I can help others and give them more information and examples to treatments.
Let’s see how that goes.
Maybe I’ll write a blog post about when I feel a lot better, and my computer doesn’t want to die with each word I type.
It’ll probably be on the Mental Health Resource Hub and here too.
Normal amount of doubt regarding success in certain project, relationships or examinations is usually present in most people. However, when the fear of failure takes on an extreme form then it is t…
My mental illness is not some picture of a storm cloud in an art museum you can think is ‘tragically beautiful.’
So three nights ago, my cousin came over to my house. She looked so sad, and more quiet than usual, normally she is straight through the door trying to find me, so e can play with superheros and karate barbie.
She sat with me, looking don at the floor, about to cry, and I asked what was wrong. She took my hand, and we went to my room, because she was scared of what her mum and sister was going to say.
That was when she burst out of crying, telling me how she was made to watch Anita Sarkeesian’s Trope’s VS Women, and told that she was a bad person to like computer games, how she is sexist, how she is oppressing the kids of colour in her class, and she should feel guilty.
She was also told about genders, and how she should be a lesbian or gender fluid, rather than straight. How she has CIS privilege, and playing lego games are oppressing other little girls.
How the fuck can someone do that to a child?
How is she oppressing other children, and other girls?
This is fucking sick.
She literally cried, and told me how she is oppressing me, because I am part jamaican, indian and white.
Why the fuck would people do it?
She was so afraid to tell her mum, she said that her mum would most likely tell her off.
I thought Anita’s work was meant to be for college kids, but I guess they start them early , she is literally afraid to go to school.
I’m afraid she is going to kill herself, she’s terrified of school
SJW’s are moving onto mental illness, they are making videos on how society doesn’t get them, and how people are romancing it on social media platforms and media. However, they are the ones romancing the health condition that can be very disabling, so why are they being this way?
When all these social justice whiners, upper middle class girls tell you that they have a mental illness, and she knows the struggles, I have to laugh.
Firstly, you don’t need to use the NHS nor do you have to worry about health insurance, meaning you are not on a waiting list of 2 and 1/2 years to see someone. In the UK, a board of professionals in your local mental health trust now determines who deserves services. Nor are you going to be left because you cannot afford medical bills, or can only use their insurance in only certain hospitals or clinics.
Secondly, you have probably never had doctors or people tell you that it’s all in your head, nor have you had to research for services, because there are not enough services.
Thirdly, your therapist is probably telling you you have these things to get more money out of you. So they diagnose you with everything, and keep you in a state of I do have something wrong with me. Whereas the NHS therapist, are desperately trying to find ways to say you are better, because they have a whole waiting list of people, and the manager needs to hit targets. Leaving you to survive on your own, until you can get your doctor to actually write to the trust again, about needing therapy again.
Do you understand now why people get pissed off with you, why I want to make a channel on YouTube? Because this has been my whole life struggle with mental illness, nobody doing anything, and just being pushed pillar to post. Having people give me the million mile stare when I bring it up, and basically having to disguise it.
Therefore, Upper middle class girls with Twitter PTSD, living in your nice expensive flat, and many job prospects. Trying living in the under classes.
I’m doing it for everyone, I’m doing it because people with REAL mental illnesses who are not able to talk about their mental illnesses, have trouble finding jobs, are being social cleansed by the government, and have never had the help they need. More than that, I want to bring solutions, practical and effective to make people’s lives better.
But you, you are making it seem like a fairy tale.
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So yesterday, I went to my local jobcentre, a place I loathe more than life itself. I have never loathed anywhere more, school was bad, really bad. However I would rather go school than go to the job centre with the disgusting judgemental looks they stow upon you as talk to them.
We spoke to a front desk lady, who really looked bored out of her brain. Especially when the job centre doesn’t seem to be as busy as it used to be, with large crowds gathering in corners, waiting for their name to be called by an uninterested advisor. It was quiet, rather like everyone was afraid to speak, the loom of the great Iain Duncan sucking David Cameron’s dick there like an invisible force to be reckoned with.
We asked about the WCA appointment we were asking for, as it has been a month since we called them for a reassessment. As always she said there were no advisors available, which I take as, sorry but we really don’t care about your problems here.
She took my name, mobile, and National Insurance number, again in an uninterested way, and told us we would be receiving a call either later today or tomorrow. (Last Monday and Tuesday.)
We went home thinking nothing of it, I wanted to go back to writing some stuff for this blog, even though all my energy and no enthusiasm to write. My brain was saying write, write write, and my body was going NO! That’s one of the reasons why I have been pressing things from other sources, I just haven’t been in the mood or mindset to write.
The suicidal thoughts have been more dangerous lately, and the only way to curb them is to sleep, otherwise my brain is consumed by them creeping ever so closely to front of my brain. I’ve also had the dreaded cannot sleep at night, which causes my paranoia, in turn making me think it’s the end of the world, and I am evil and the spawn of the devil.
Getting back though to the story at hand, I sat looking at the computer screen, the WordPress new draft screen an empty canvas of thoughts and dreams, the blinking cursor magically disappearing and reappearing like an indicator on a car. And I couldn’t write anything at all, so I listed to some Let’s Plays by AgentJR on YouTube.
The phone rang with an unrecognizable number, so I picked up. We get a lot of those kinds of calls, especially from telesales and other places, trying to con you into buying something, or giving away your money to a pyramid scheme. Because of that, we usually leave the phone to go to voicemail, and nobody leaves a message. However because this was very important, and my mum was so insistent I picked up, it was an advisor from the JCP.
She was really nice actually, not what I expected, since all I know is the advisers from Maximus, who know fuck all about anything. She told me to get my doctor to write a letter to say how bad I have gotten since joining Maximus, and for me to write something to them too. She even gave me her number, and said I could ring her anytime. And if I came to the job centre, she would fax it over for us. Brilliant I thought, until I remembered that my doctor is hard to get to see, since she is so popular with all the patients.
Then that afternoon, as I was continuing to stare at the computer and fall asleep, there was a knock from the postman who gave me a large package from the DWP, my notes had arrived. I haven’t read them properly yet, but from what I have read, I was put into the WRAG Group in 2013, which is around the time when ATOS were being complete and utter wankers. It was the time when they were putting suicidal people through to WRAG Group. So I am going to be asking questions about that, because I wasn’t ready, and the people I have met in WRAG have all told me, I shouldn’t be there.
So now I need to read the box full of information from the DWP, which I am going to scan onto the computer to keep as evidence and to share with you guys. It might take me a while to do, but I will try and get as much done as possible, so you can see what they have said as to my assessment.
Later on that day, I received an email from Mind charity Legal team. They were sorry for the lateness of their reply, and wanted to know if I still needed help from them or not. I replied back with a very long and depressing tale of how things have been going since my first email, as in getting worse.
They replied back the very next day, with lots of information and help. Though I have not replied to them back as of yet, because of feeling really disgusting and horrible, nor emailed or called anyone. But I plan to Monday, mum will be home, and she said she would sit with me during these calls, except when I call or email the Samaritans, because there is too much I want to say that she doesn’t know about.
I’ll try and either capture the email, or copy and paste onto a new document. It might help you guys, and I always want to help people in a similar situation. So I decided to make another WordPress Blog, because I wanted to make a hub where people could get information on mental health, with all Trusts around the country, websites, forums, charities, and such. As well as laws, and people to contribute stories, and experiences.
I’m taking slowly because I don’t want to wear myself out too soon, plus I have some looking and experimenting to do with WordPress. But I’m hoping it will be a place where people feel safe, and where they don’t feel alone, as well as a hub of information to help.
I would also like to say Hello to my new followers and welcome. As well as to say Thank you to my long running followers for their patience and kindness.
You’re all awesome!
But I did find out some things too, like the total lack of knowledge Maximus advisors have about their jobs.
But let’s first start with the CV group session, that was not really helpful and not actually stated on the appointment letter, however was mandatory. Something that I feel Iain Duncan Smith is trying to push the people with mental health into work, because he is a psychopathic sociopath.
There was only 9 people who showed up including me, there was meant to be 30 people, but only few showed up possibly because they knew it was bullshit and propaganda.
The group session was late starting, they took an hour to set up the projector and to get started. So we were all sitting there bored out of our brains watching the clock, and hoping they were going to cancel the session so we could go back home to do something more productive.
Mr Loverman kept walking back and forth with a woolly hat and glasses, even though the place was heated so much that I thought I was going to faint, he wasn’t exactly using his people skills either. Oh no, we didn’t even get an update as to how long they were going to be, until 10 minutes before they were about to start.
He did lay on food, sandwiches, biscuits, drinks, and sweets, everything a person needs to fill themselves up with because of boredom. Coffee served in plastic water cups, layered.
We finally go in, when Mr Loverman calls us over. Projector ready with the words in bolded text: Making a good CV. Started playing some get to know you games, before delving into the meat.
Now this whole CV thing has me wondering, she said we have to make CV’s around the jobs, I told asked her about using these CV’s for job searching on Universal Job Match. However I was told, like a child who is dumb and needs a dunce hat that this was for private job matching. But as I checked on Universal Job match, you have to upload your CV, so I’m guessing you have to. Then again, people from Maximus are liars, so I shouldn’t be surprised by this. Anything that is attached with the DWP or the government, I do not trust at all.
The whole thing is was just a propaganda rally, and it’s got me worried.
Though a good thing did happen s I said above, a woman from head office actually did something about my Wellbeing survey. Though it will be with Shaw Trust, and I have no idea what they are going to do. However Monday mum is going to be taking me to the Job Centre to see what they can do, as we have not heard anything from the DWP about an assessment to be put on Support ESA.
Mum said she wants to try and help me get a job from home researching, and help me to try and get out more, an get access to work grant so I can have someone to go out with me. She also wants to try and get social services, a CPN, and support worker to try and help, whether this will happen because the Tories are cutting everything let and right. IT would be a nice dream though.
But I know mum will fight for everything.
I will let you know how everything goes, I’m sorry it has taken me a long time to write this blog. I’ve just been very down, and not wanting to do anything, or stopping myself from hurting myself so bad I won’t wake up.
Thank you guys for being wonderful, and to all my new follower.
There seems to be terms and conditions on their support page that do not go far enough, as people blocked can still mention you.
So they can conspire. Look I maybe paranoid, but I know girls and women in their clique. And one thing they love to do is girl fighting, secret, backstabbing, and dangerous.
How can twitter let that go on online, to a wide audience of peoples followers. I am a thirty two year old woman, albeit mentally unwell. Now think of a little girl aged twelve, being bullied online, blocking and reporting, suicidal. Knowing these girls online are taunting her behind the block, planning something dreadful to get her banned.
Is that fair?
I’m all for free speech and such, but the callousness of these so called social justice warriors is not needed. They bring nothing to the table, they have nothing to say that is worth listening to. And by far, they do not have a cause, they do not care about society ad a whole.
If I die before I wake, I pray that god will keep me safe.
If I die before I wake, I hope that god will keep my family sane.
If I die before I wake, I pray that social justice warriors pay for their crimes.
Sitting in a world I don’t belong, I long for the day when I will be done. I sit in the dark, the shadows as a ghoul, and I am the person with the perfect view.
I watch the world crumble, by the humans themselves, all set for destruction in their means to power. Girls young and free, making up lies to sensor all who be. Government killing the poor, to stop them becoming something better than them before. War on terror, that should not have been, at least not for the innocents who do nothing but flee.
Call the social justice warriors locus, a plague not from god, but from the devil himself.
Governments of evil, spreading their lies, cutting lifelines, so the poor will then die. Call them rats, the ones that spread disease from their desired place up high. Romans be the government, the poor, ill, and disabled are the jews.
Call the war on terror, I have nothing in my head right now to compare from the bible. But think of this as greed and corruption, and a social cleansing of the world.
I speak like a prophet from behind a computer screen, suicidal and lonely and in need to die. But the world is infected in cancer, and we have no way for it to survive. I watch with baited breathe and a tingle in my stomach, excited for the day when I can die with no fear for my family and friends. But that day is not coming yet, I have to secure my family and friends first.
When I say secure, make sure I have enough to be buried, that I can be sure that I can leave my parents, and that they are secure enough. Going now would be selfish, and I would have a paupers funeral. Not that I deserve anything grand.
I also need to talk to my imaginary friends, I haven’t spoken to them for a while, they are the only thing that is keeping me going. They are best you know, I wouldn’t have survived this long without them, and talking about how I was never to be here with them is relaxing. I know that sounds crazy, I am crazy, I have mental health problems of course I am to people. They will agree because they are in my head, but actually I have great debates, them and my friend Widescreen, and my friend from Minnesota are the only ones that I can actually have a debate with, without it turning into mean girls.
Sad isn’t it.
And as I sit here with my twitter going off as 30 people are ganging up on me now. It makes me wonder, how the hell did the human species last so bloody long. It’s like we’re being punished for lasting so long, I actually wouldn’t put it past god to do so.
God bless the freaks and ghouls, the forgotten heroes.
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