Tag: ESA

My trip to the Job Centre- Update on what’s been happening

My trip to the Job Centre- Update on what’s been happening

So yesterday, I went to my local jobcentre, a place I loathe more than life itself. I have never loathed anywhere more, school was bad, really bad. However I would rather go school than go to the job centre with the disgusting judgemental looks they stow upon you as talk to them.

We spoke to a front desk lady, who really looked bored out of her brain. Especially when the job centre doesn’t seem to be as busy as it used to be, with large crowds gathering in corners, waiting for their name to be called by an uninterested advisor. It was quiet, rather like everyone was afraid to speak, the loom of the great Iain Duncan sucking David Cameron’s dick there like an invisible force to be reckoned with.

We asked about the WCA appointment we were asking for, as it has been a month since we called them for a reassessment. As always she said there were no advisors available, which I take as, sorry but we really don’t care about your problems here.

She took my name, mobile, and National Insurance number, again in an uninterested way, and told us we would be receiving a call either later today or tomorrow. (Last Monday and Tuesday.)

We went home thinking nothing of it, I wanted to go back to writing some stuff for this blog, even though all my energy and no enthusiasm to write. My brain was saying write, write write, and my body was going NO! That’s one of the reasons why I have been pressing things from other sources, I just haven’t been in the mood or mindset to write.

The suicidal thoughts have been more dangerous lately, and the only way to curb them is to sleep, otherwise my brain is consumed by them creeping ever so closely to front of my brain. I’ve also had the dreaded cannot sleep at night, which causes my paranoia, in turn making me think it’s the end of the world, and I am evil and the spawn of the devil.

Getting back though to the story at hand, I sat looking at the computer screen, the WordPress new draft screen an empty canvas of thoughts and dreams, the blinking cursor magically disappearing and reappearing like an indicator on a car. And I couldn’t write anything at all, so I listed to some Let’s Plays by AgentJR on YouTube.

The phone rang with an unrecognizable number, so I picked up. We get a lot of those kinds of calls, especially from telesales and other places, trying to con you into buying something, or giving away your money to a pyramid scheme. Because of that, we usually leave the phone to go to voicemail, and nobody leaves a message. However because this was very important, and my mum was so insistent I picked up, it was an advisor from the JCP.

She was really nice actually, not what I expected, since all I know is the advisers from Maximus, who know fuck all about anything. She told me to get my doctor to write a letter to say how bad I have gotten since joining Maximus, and for me to write something to them too. She even gave me her number, and said I could ring her anytime. And if I came to the job centre, she would fax it over for us. Brilliant I thought, until I remembered that my doctor is hard to get to see, since she is so popular with all the patients.


 

Then that afternoon, as I was continuing to stare at the computer and fall asleep, there was a knock from the postman who gave me a large package from the DWP, my notes had arrived. I haven’t read them properly yet, but from what I have read, I was put into the WRAG Group in 2013, which is around the time when ATOS were being complete and utter wankers. It was the time when they were putting suicidal people through to WRAG Group. So I am going to be asking questions about that, because I wasn’t ready, and the people I have met in WRAG have all told me, I shouldn’t be there.

So now I need to read the box full of information from the DWP, which I am going to scan onto the computer to keep as evidence and to share with you guys. It might take me a while to do, but I will try and get as much done as possible, so you can see what they have said as to my assessment.


Later on that day, I received an email from Mind charity Legal team. They were sorry for the lateness of their reply, and wanted to know if I still needed help from them or not. I replied back with a very long and depressing tale of how things have been going since my first email, as in getting worse.

They replied back the very next day, with lots of information and help. Though I have not replied to them back as of yet, because of feeling really disgusting and horrible, nor emailed or called anyone. But I plan to Monday, mum will be home, and she said she would sit with me during these calls, except when I call or email the Samaritans, because there is too much I want to say that she doesn’t know about.

I’ll try and either capture the email, or copy and paste onto a new document. It might help you guys, and I always want to help people in a similar situation. So I decided to make another WordPress Blog, because I wanted to make a hub where people could get information on mental health, with all Trusts around the country, websites, forums, charities, and such. As well as laws, and people to contribute stories, and experiences.

I’m taking slowly because I don’t want to wear myself out too soon, plus I have some looking and experimenting to do with WordPress. But I’m hoping it will be a place where people feel safe, and where they don’t feel alone, as well as a hub of information to help.


 

I would also like to say Hello to my new followers and welcome. As well as to say Thank you to my long running followers for their patience and kindness.

You’re all awesome!

Maximus group session for writing CV’s, a real waste of time.

But I did find out some things too, like the total lack of knowledge Maximus advisors have about their jobs.

But let’s first start with the CV group session, that was not really helpful and not actually stated on the appointment letter, however was mandatory. Something that I feel Iain Duncan Smith is trying to push the people with mental health into work, because he is a psychopathic sociopath.

There was only 9 people who showed up including me, there was meant to be 30 people, but only few showed up possibly because they knew it was bullshit and propaganda.

The group session was late starting, they took an hour to set up the projector and to get started. So we were all sitting there bored out of our brains watching the clock, and hoping they were going to cancel the session so we could go back home to do something more productive.

Mr Loverman kept walking back and forth with a woolly hat and glasses, even though the place was heated so much that I thought I was going to faint, he wasn’t exactly using his people skills either. Oh no, we didn’t even get an update as to how long they were going to be, until 10 minutes before they were about to start.

He did lay on food, sandwiches, biscuits, drinks, and sweets, everything a person needs to fill themselves up with because of boredom. Coffee served in plastic water cups, layered.

We finally go in, when Mr Loverman calls us over. Projector ready with the words in bolded text: Making a good CV. Started playing some get to know you games, before delving into the meat.

Now this whole CV thing has me wondering, she said we have to make CV’s around the jobs, I told asked her about using these CV’s for job searching on Universal Job Match. However I was told, like a child who is dumb and needs a dunce hat that this was for private job matching. But as I checked on Universal Job match, you have to upload your CV, so I’m guessing you have to. Then again, people from Maximus are liars, so I shouldn’t be surprised by this. Anything that is attached with the DWP or the government, I do not trust at all.

The whole thing is was just a propaganda rally, and it’s got me worried.

Though a good thing did happen s I said above, a woman from head office actually did something about my Wellbeing survey. Though it will be with Shaw Trust, and I have no idea what they are going to do. However Monday mum is going to be taking me to the Job Centre to see what they can do, as we have not heard anything from the DWP about an assessment to be put on Support ESA.

Mum said she wants to try and help me get a job from home researching, and help me to try and get out more, an get access to work grant so I can have someone to go out with me. She also wants to try and get social services, a CPN, and support worker to try and help, whether this will happen because the Tories are cutting everything let and right. IT would be a nice dream though.

But I know mum will fight for everything.

I will let you know how everything goes, I’m sorry it has taken me a long time to write this blog. I’ve just been very down, and not wanting to do anything, or stopping myself from hurting myself so bad I won’t wake up.

Thank you guys for being wonderful, and to all my new follower.

 

WRAG Group Session worries and Tired Rambling

Tomorrow I have group session, and I’m not very excited about it. Mainly because I get this feeling they are going to sprouting off propaganda the government has told them to say.

How we must look for jobs or volunteering work, come in everyday, or our benefits will be stopped unless we go in for workfare.

I know that this i a why to tell you that you are fit for work, but I’m scared this is going to be forced upon us.

Mum mentioned today how she wants me to change to support, or even go for PIP and she be my carer. But I don’t think that will be possible, since I can walk and I only have mental health problems. You can work.

I think Iain Duncan Smith and the DWP will not agree with that.

Another things is, this is making me worried because I have no idea what this is about and there is nothing on the letter to indicate this. I want to cut and take lots of pills, so I can go to sleep and not wake up. I am so worried, and I am scared that they will not be taking that into account, that they will pressure me and pressure me until it is too late.

Though it has been a few days since my MP wrote back saying she will take my case, I am scared Iain Duncan Smith will dismiss my claims and call me an attention seeker. And then I will have to look for work anyway.

He isn’t exactly a man who is careful with his words concerning claimants of any kind, and he I think he utter detests people with mental health problems.

I am scared.

I am also sorry for not reblogging very much this weekend, or putting up the template for the MP letter for you all, I have had those days where I just want to stay in bed and sleep all day. Racking my brain over Tomorrow’s proceedings, and wondering if this is the end of my what Tories call Cushy Lifestyle.

I had my friend over today, which was nice. We talked about everything, our worries about tomorrow tomorrow and his WCA on Thursday. Though I could not do this everyday, it was a very much needed break and I he felt the same way about it. It is just so stressful at the moment with the government and their obsession with taking important services and money away from disabled people, because they think we were the ones to make the deficit.

I love all your blogs, and I think you are all wonderful inspirational people that deserve to be read. I’m sorry for not sharing your blogs with others, and being selfish in the way I am at the moment.

Or emailing people like I promised.

Thank you for your understanding and patience.

Do not attend 2pm appointment- but we’re starting WRAG group sessions again

I have been dreading this appointment all night, I slept with the light on all night.

Went shopping with mum, talked about how I should actually show how I am not coping by cancelling appointments. How she is going to demand I go on support group, and being the fighting force she always is.

When we come home I check my mobile, I get a message from my fellow blogging friend, and a missed phone call from Maximus.

So I ask mum to ring, I was too panicked to do so and I’m not a big fan of phones.

She rings up for me, getting the receptionist who always seems to have a bug crawled up her arse. Telling my mum in her miserable tone that Mr. Loverman Shabba is off sick.

That’s okay with us, he was spreading his germs for the last few weeks and mum wanted more time to prepare for attack.

But then by some miracle, our postman is not the most reliable of people in the world. We receive a letter from Maximus, and how I know is that they use second class stamps and by the font used.

Anyway, I guess they have started up the useless WRAG groups again for ESA claimants next Wednesday at 2pm. Oh yay, I’m having confidence classes again and being told everything is about that and not mental health.

God I am not looking forward to it, it’s being run by the miserable receptionist. So I guess it is going to drag, as well as propaganda being forced down our throats in a stern manner. Yay?

Other news though, i received another email from my MP’s caseworker, who asked for my full address. I don’t what is happening, but that has to be something right?

So now i just need to get motivation to read all your wonderful blogs, reblog, and print the SAR form off to send to the DWP.

It might take me a while to read and reblog, but I promise I will try my best.

Nightmares and demons and being picky

The last few nights or more I’ve been having nightmares of my step brother and sisters ex, them doing what they did again.

Then as I try to escape from them, I wake up in a hot sweat and cry.

So now I am becoming afraid to sleep, but I am so tired and exhausted. I’m frightened and I’m worrying even more.

Mum thinks it’s because of all the stress I am under with feeling pressured into work, as well the worry of my ESA being cut.

Iain Duncan Smith, this is what you are fucking doing to people. Thank you for causing these nightmares to come back, I haven’t had one for nearly a year and you have caused them yo resurface.

It’s scary. I won’t lie about, I thought about writing a poem or a short piece. However I know it will be too graphic to actually publish as a blog, and I don’t want to scare you good people.

Maybe I should send it to the Conservatives and see if it will make them squirm?

No they would probably like it.

And so I would like to apologize for the sporadic blogging and reblogging, I know I seem to be getting worse, and probably seeming more overwhelmed as usual.

Believe when I say I am, I haven’t even been able to get the motivation to do what I have said in other blogs.

So I would like to apologize sincerely and say I love you all very much, I might be picky at the moment, but I love all your blogs.

Still Oaks I am so sorry for not replying to your email or comment, I have downloaded the video but it doesn’t seem to be playing.

Sasson I will reply to your email soon too, and I’m sorry I haven’t replied sooner.

Thank you for putting up with me. 💖

My worries about project nudge.

I’m frightened, really frightened of this new nudge thing the government are using to experiment on the sick and disabled back to work.

My doctor is fabulous when it comes to my depression or anything I may have, she’s been with me every step of the way concerning getting my physical breakdown diagnosed. She’s been trying to get me higher on the therapy list, and finding alternatives.

I haven’t seen her in a while, and I do need to make an appointment because I think I need stronger antidepressants and to be referred to the assessment team.

But what I have heard about Nudge, it sounds like they are getting doctors involved to find you fit for work, as well as invading in on privacy.

Already feeling pressured to go back to work, and this news makes me frightened and absolutely petrified that they are going to put me in any old job and expect me to work.

I’m afraid of having another breakdown, and then being told I still need to go to work.

A lot of stuff is going around and around in my head, and I’m exhausted from it. I don’t want feel this way, but for me this is a normal part of my life worrying about things.

Not that I don’t want to go back to work, I just want to do it when I am ready. And find a job that is going to be supportive with my needs, and I don’t think the government want that to happen.

They are just going to make us do workfare, this is all just to make us slaves instead of depending on them.

And what about if I need a day off because I am in a bad way depression wise, are they going to make work through that or make me lose my job and be forced into JSA or some kind of reprogramming programme.

It sounds like they are not giving us all the details, and there are more sinister things ahead. As if they have plans for horrible things to happen if you don’t comply, and I’m guessing these involve no money, starving to death, prison, concentration camps.

I’m still suicidal and I want to get out of here, but at the same time I know this is what they want from me.

There is the fact that I to fight them, only I am so exhausted, and as u have said before I am loosing a little bit of fight everyday.

I don’t know what I can do to help stop this, I want to though.

Fighting a good fight or at least trying

Today after not sleeping, thinking about Iain Duncan Smith I thought today would be a great day to send the DWP that SAR form.

Mum downloaded the one on government website, and it is far different from the one I downloaded. So I am going to try both, simply because it can’t hurt to.

I just hope they send me the information, and I can then see what they have said. And then I can share it with you, and let you know what they said.

Also today I am trying realm hard to reblog as much as I can, and reply to comments. But if I don’t, please don’t feel I am ignoring you, it just means my motivation has gone. But I will try and reply as soon as possible.

Have a wonderful day, and keep blogging!

Dear Iain Duncan Smith

Dear Iain Duncan Smith or your real name DR DEATH,

How can you justify cutting WRAG ESA claimants money to incentivized the ill, disabled and vulnerable?

What we need is more support to get into work, but you are cutting those too aren’t you, you disgusting excuse for a human being.

Do you know how harmful this is going to be? No because you don’t care, and you have an echo chamber of yes people which include Gideon Osborne and David Cameron.

Let’s just say DR DEATH, there are going to be more blood on your hands, thicker amounts that sticks to everything you touch.

I know you probably think this is a lie, or I’m treating you. But one day you will wake up in the morning and won’t be able to shake those thoughts from your mind, you will never have that feeling go away either.

There are people like myself who are on the brink of taking their own lives because of the pressure, good people who have done nothing wrong.

You are going to let them die of starvation and illness, you are going to cut off money that helps them pay rent and live safely.

The weird thing is, that I believe you feel food banks are good because of your slogan We’re all in this together’ which is complete bullcrap and you know this.

However you don’t care, because they don’t need your unearned money, it justifies your slogan, and lastly it is somewhere else you can bully people into work.

You sir are a sick and twisted individual, along with your Tory mates who bode the same in my opinion.

And now I am going to get personal with you, not in any way that involves me being anywhere near your disgusting self. But as in why this could be the last straw.

I already feel pressured into work, been feeling this way since starting with Maximus. But right now my mental health has declined so much, that I am starting to want to cut myself and kill myself.

You would know nothing about that would you, because you just think I am taking this, like you see everybody on ESA.

I have strong painkillers that I am holding on to, I even have a small will. And no I won’t let you touch any of it, or take any money. Because you don’t need it, my family need it more than you.

But getting back, everyday I wake up and a little bit of fight dies inside. I want to kill myself, I feel useless, I feel pressured and exhausted.

I sleep because it helps, and because I am so exhausted. But when i do, I see you and your friends faces laughing at me.

So now my paranoia is even become worse, I think everyone is laughing and the voices are starting.

How are people like this meant to work?

But we can’t get any treatment, because you royally dismantled the services available. A two and a half year waiting list, and that is if there are people who are not at the top of the queue because they are much worse than me.

So how are people meant to get better?

You don’t want them to, do you? You would rather see them suffer?

You and your friends are narcissistic psychopathic sociopaths, you are not humans but are disgusting and a disgrace to the human race.

I hope you enjoy hell when the time comes?

A Very Bad Day

Sorry for the lack of blogging and reblogging yesterday, I had such an awful day.

It was one of those days when you feel surrounded, and not only that, but people are laughing at you.

My paranoia has been slowly getting worse since joining Maximus, Mind are right, it does does make people with mental health problems worse.

I didn’t even play in my dungeons and dragons group last night either, I just was quiet and let everyone else do what they had to do.

The government have no right psychologically torturing people, especially those with mental health problems.

They take away our treatment, they make us do WRAG Workshops that adresses nothing. All because they want more money, in Gideon’s case, more money for drugs.

I like many with mental health problems are nearly ten seconds away from ending it all, we’re unwell and feel we have nowhere to turn to.

It’s as if we are being punished for what we have wrong with us, like they want us to work away our conditions, because apparently work cures all.

It amazes me how much the Tories are still in the dark ages when it comes to mental health, are they really that thick or is it ignorance?

Maybe both?

I have I no idea, however what I do know is that I am losing my fight. Today I have a little fight, but yesterday I lost all hope.

I did comment on one blog post, which I think might be relevant here, and sorry if this blog sounds rude.

All I want in life is to be as independent as I can, have a supported housing, and a job where I won’t be stigmatized with someone going to and from work with me.

I know this probably sounds like a waste of tax payers money, and rather selfish.

I know the Tories would make it seem that way.

The Tories are evil, they sold their souls to the devil ages ago. We need to get them out now!

Mr Loverman visit- Without mum Shabba! Or feeling pressured to find voluntary work part 2

So today was another visit to see my Maximus advisor, this time without mum’s protection. Mum hasn’t been feeling too good, and has had tooth ache all week so got an emergency appointment. That appointment being the same time as mine, so I went in 30 minutes early.

I was greeted at the reception by the woman with no heart or soul, who asked about my my mum. Why? I have no idea, but don’t think this is the end.

I waited for Mr Loveman, who was surprising not with a customer or doing anything constructive. A man that claims he has back to back customers, and here he is just sitting around talking to the ladies.

While waiting there was only me and this other customer waiting to be seen by another advisor, he was stuck to his phone staring at it while his fingers furiously tapped away.

There I was sitting there looking at my phone wondering whether it was safe enough to take pictures of the place to show you guys, along with the propaganda hung around like reminders that you will be finding a job, even if it is not the right one for you.

The heartless and soulless kept shouting across the room to remind the Loverman exactly what he was meant to do, and that is to see customers. However being the suave guy he is (not), he kept talking to the ladies.

By 1:50pm – when the ladies had to go, and had collected at least 30 papers from him, he called me over. When I say called, it was more of ‘oh god it’s her again’, at least it felt like that.

We ran through the same things, he tapped the keys on the computer very slowly. He wrote how I was sending CV’s for retail shops, and handing CV’s out to local shops. (I didn’t even know I was doing that, do I have a clone or something?)

He asked how my mum was doing? Not me, but my mum.

He booked me in for next week, Friday this time, because he is so full up.

As he was about to get rid of me, and sigh after dealing with one of his most difficult customers because I have so many barriers.

I asked him what that survey I had over the phone was about?

He in Mr Loverman smooth stylie, or what would be normally called trying to hard to remain normal. He told me that Maximus head office ask every PG6 Customer to do one.

Now when he said that my first thought was ‘More likely Iain Duncan Smith wants them to do it, to prove that they need work to get better’.

As I said yesterday, it is the same test as the NHS Choices Wellbeing questions, and I scored very low. I was also told on the site that I need to eat more healthier and exercise.

So I think Iain Duncan Smith as thick as two planks he is, thinks he can use this to determined whether people need work to keep their wellbeing.

After the Maximus propaganda and him smiling his gold teeth at me, trying to be nice. He didn’t really understand the test, just what Maximus is feeding him. I decided to tell him that it was the same test on NHS Choices for Wellbeing.

Being the thick dope he is, he laughed and said, ‘Oh, Maximus must have stolen it from there’. I just smiled politely.

Then he went on about me doing voluntary work, how only doing 1 day a week, or 2 half days would be the thing I need to get me back into work. Now I know that they use voluntary work as a way to say you are fit for work, so him saying that didn’t surprise me. But he wants me to be ready soon.

Got out 1hr and a half later, after waiting for mum and dad. Which did not go too well, but she did get her tooth taken out.

Mum said next week, she is coming with me. We are going to print my barriers out, fill in forms, and phone for an assessment and for an appointment with my doctor. This week has been rather mad, with my mum unwell with a cold and her tooth playing up. She wants to ask what work he has, that will take someone like me on?

But I am worried, for all the fun I am taking out of Mr Loverman, I am frightened of being sanctioned. I am worried about being pushed too far, and having to get a job, and then ending up having another nervous breakdown.

If I have another one, who knows whether I would be able to claim again, or if they would find me fit for work.

I do have my supplies ready though they are ready for when the time comes. I’m ready for when the shit hits the fan, and I am deemed fit for work as a slave.

But the time isn’t yet, I don’t know when but dear readers I will miss you all when the time comes.