Tag: suicidal thoughts

Is 1984 is Coming? Thoughts about the World and my personal life.

I’ve always believed that the Globalists are in control of our lives, and we are all being used as pawns, and in the end we are all going to die.

I don’t know if this is my depression, whether I am dumb, watched and read too many Utopian movie and book, or I just think the worse of everything, which would actually lead back to the depression wouldn’t it?

I just feel like we are heading ever closer.

All I know is I am frightened about this; I am frightened about mum and dad getting hurt or dying about the Globalists. It keeps me up at night, it makes me want to cut, it makes me want to question everything even my own thoughts and feelings.

Political Correctness

Political Correctness scares the fuck out of me, and if it keeps going the way it is, we are not going to be allowed to think, like what we want, do what we want, or feel the feelings we want to.

It’s just going to be silence, nobody saying anything to anyone because of fears of upsetting people, or because the government have banned words and thoughts.

So where does that leave people?

What will happen to people with mental health problems?

What is going to happen to the people who commit though, word crimes?

This is what goes through my head every day, and nobody seems to want to answer, nor acknowledge that this might actually happen sooner than we think.

Communism

With Political Correctness goes Communism, and we all know that leaders would love that to happen.

The UN certainly wouldn’t mind, and I’m sure by now all you guys are thinking I am some religious nut, or Alt Righter who is scared of the white genocide.

I don’t believe that, but I do believe the rich are trying to get rid of the poor, and communism is another useful tool for them, since you will probably starve to death. On the other hand, be sent to a rehabilitation camp where you must learn the rules and work until you die. North Korea already has this, the gulags was in Russia, and have people fighting for food, Social Justice Warriors doing fuck all and still getting paid as if they are.

Does that sound good?

Meanwhile everyone is dying, nobody is getting richer only poorer, and the rich are laughing away, while the social justice warriors use their powers to climb to the top.

Does that sound fair?

I am getting so fed up with the left, they’ve got my friend and my friend is starting to tell me what to watch, read, say, and do.

Last night while on the phone and being screamed at for the thousandth time because of watching something that they have deemed Alt Right, screaming about I have betrayed them. I cut myself while this was happening, and it fucking hurt, but it was nice to feel that as I heard the screams on the phone. I cut myself where I had my skin graft taken, that way when it starts healing it won’t be so noticeable.

It’s really stupid of me to do, I haven’t cut in ages, and I’m about to get discharged from the Brief Intervention Team. I am so disappointed in myself by letting somebody get to me to the point I went and cut myself. I should have used the box breathing technique to calm down, and been more assertive with them. However, I am not very good at that, but mostly because it reminded me of being bullied at school, at being home and having Stephen screaming at mum and dad while I hid in my room, my Step Brother blaming me for what he was doing to me.

I cannot like anything on YouTube, reblog anything that might be perceived as Alt Right, or I am picking on a group of people because of the titles Crazy Feminists or Social Justice Warriors. I have to put everything in a private folder so they cannot see it, and make sure not to accidently like a video or anything.

And this is exhausting, I can understand that my friend works two jobs and hates Trump, but the way they are telling me that Mainstream Media should be trusted, and reblogging blogs is not helpful.

How I am not helping people by liking this stuff, how I should be going through all the information I get, even though I do. How my friend has explained repeatedly and I am drifting away from them. How they think I am only drawn to these people because I am attracted to abusers, because I am a very gullible person.

I don’t know what to do anymore, all I do is keep waiting for my friend to tweet at me how a content creator or blogger is Alt Right and I need to avoid them.

I’m exhausted.

My worries about project nudge.

I’m frightened, really frightened of this new nudge thing the government are using to experiment on the sick and disabled back to work.

My doctor is fabulous when it comes to my depression or anything I may have, she’s been with me every step of the way concerning getting my physical breakdown diagnosed. She’s been trying to get me higher on the therapy list, and finding alternatives.

I haven’t seen her in a while, and I do need to make an appointment because I think I need stronger antidepressants and to be referred to the assessment team.

But what I have heard about Nudge, it sounds like they are getting doctors involved to find you fit for work, as well as invading in on privacy.

Already feeling pressured to go back to work, and this news makes me frightened and absolutely petrified that they are going to put me in any old job and expect me to work.

I’m afraid of having another breakdown, and then being told I still need to go to work.

A lot of stuff is going around and around in my head, and I’m exhausted from it. I don’t want feel this way, but for me this is a normal part of my life worrying about things.

Not that I don’t want to go back to work, I just want to do it when I am ready. And find a job that is going to be supportive with my needs, and I don’t think the government want that to happen.

They are just going to make us do workfare, this is all just to make us slaves instead of depending on them.

And what about if I need a day off because I am in a bad way depression wise, are they going to make work through that or make me lose my job and be forced into JSA or some kind of reprogramming programme.

It sounds like they are not giving us all the details, and there are more sinister things ahead. As if they have plans for horrible things to happen if you don’t comply, and I’m guessing these involve no money, starving to death, prison, concentration camps.

I’m still suicidal and I want to get out of here, but at the same time I know this is what they want from me.

There is the fact that I to fight them, only I am so exhausted, and as u have said before I am loosing a little bit of fight everyday.

I don’t know what I can do to help stop this, I want to though.